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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Is Sunday, Shrouded in Mystery?

In case you live under a rock, there is this religious 'Relic' called the 'Shroud of Turin'. It's supposed to be the death shroud of Jesus. He was supposedly wrapped in it after he was crucified and miraculously his image was imprinted to the shroud when he was zapped into the hereafter. Last month the History Channel ran this Face of Jesus thing, which I actually sat through... HORRIBLE. Completely one sided, these people knew it was 'real' going in. Ignoring the dating that it was in fact only made in the 1400's, they used computer imaging 'techniques' to make the 3D image of the person on the shroud. Of course the person was then made to look like a white dude with dark hair.... Everyone seems to keep forgetting Jesus would be a Middle Eastern Jewish man, he would NOT have light brown hair, he would not have European features and he wouldn't be tall... but try telling that to the faithful, when even here in a largely Hispanic area all the Jesus' are white.

Anyways, I thought the show was bad, the blood on the image looked wrong, blood wicks, most of this didn't. Jesus just looks wrong, in fact he looks like 1400 century artwork to me. But it turns out Greggory S. Paul, of dinosaur fame, has decided to deconstruct the image, it turns out if this was Jesus, he was over 6 feet tall, and a microcephalic, meaning his brain was small, like really small.

And of course his left arm was bigger than his right... Meaning he looked more like this in real life.

Image copyright the South Park dudes. Chewy CHomp!

Except with the head like this:

So you tell me believers in the Shroud, still think it's real? I think the Bible might have mentioned that Jesus was really tall for the time or that his left arm was longer than his right or if he was micocephalic. Did I miss something?

Till next time!



Fatboy73 said...

But Jesus was the son of god and EVERYONE knows god is an old white dude with grey hair and a beard.
So Jesus wouldn't have looked like a
Middle Eastern Jewish man,he would be a mix between Caucasian and Middle Eastern so HA!! CHECKMATE!
And the reason his left arm is longer than his right is because
everyone knows people use their right arm and hand to masturbate with and it was gods way of saying that Jesus was his son and didn't do those sorts of things.
His brain was small because he had faith in God and everyone knows that if you have faith in God you don't need a big brain.
And of course Jesus was tall!He was the son of god and closer to the kingdom of heaven than any one and you can't be close to heaven if you're only five feet off the ground SHEESH!
You science people should really get a clue. ;)

Brett said...

Gosh, when you put it that way... I guess his longer arm could be the long arm of God's Law!

Other than that, LOVE the Checkmate!!!



^^W^^ said...

Brett said...


Not sure if I actually get that cartoon. Is that some preconceived notion by the religious? That not believing is somehow empty?

Now if they were asking about babies, the other, other, other white meat. Then that might be funny... or orgies, lots of orgies;)



^^W^^ said...

I think the point was that atheists believe in *nothing*, (or at least in none of the gods), hence the blank pamphlets.. :)


Brett said...

Hi Sari,

Maybe I'm being overly sensative. but a lot religious cartoonist's ideas of Atheism are sort of nihilistic, while we don't believe in gods we do believe in stuff, like knowledge and reason. If Atheists did give out a pamphlet, it would have sciencey stuff and thing son critical thinking. Of course we don't recruit, so it's sort of a moot point;)



Pai said...

I could've SWORN that several years back they had already determined the Shroud was painted and not 'real'. Yet stories about it keep popping up, so who knows.

The scriptures about Jesus' empty tomb states the cloth that was around his head was folded and laid -separately- from the rest of the wrappings, yet the Shroud is a one-piece. An interesting fact, there.

Andrew Olson said...

Booth Relidious,

A pleasure to be part of the "Fatboy73" crowd....
This Shroud business is unimportant. However, when you stated that the image on the shroud should resemble "a Middle Eastern Jewish man" is incorrect....why do I bother? Mr. Fatboy expertly spelled it out....
Anyway....the overwhelming majority of people who identify themselves as Jewish have no historical or genetic connection to Isreal, as brave Jewish writers like Arther Koestler have confirmed. They are not the biblical Hebrews and are certainly not "Semites". They originate from a Sumerian people who became known as the "Khazars" in what became southern Russia and the Caucasus Mountains. The so-called 'Jewish nose' is not a trait of Isreal, but of Caucasus. Alfred Lilienthal, a Jewish former American State Department official, called these facts "Isreal's Achilles heel".
So the Isrealites in the Bible are the ancestors of modern day Europeans, so yes, the Big Kahuna would have resembled a European Male.
If you'll excuse me, I beliveve Fatboy73 has posted a 5,000 page online review of "Crime and Punishment" that I would like to attempt....CHECKMATE!!!!!!!